Supporting Your Elderly Parents and Retaining Their Independence

When your parents reach the stage in their lives when they need a little more help to complete daily tasks or assistance with normal activities like bathing, cooking, dressing, etc., it can be worrying for both you and them

Finding the right solution for them can be tricky if they need help. It’s only natural that they will want to retain as much independence as possible while not struggling to live life doing the simplest of tasks. So, what are your options, and what can you do to help?

Discuss the Situation
In the first instance, you need to discuss your concerns calmly. It is important not to talk down to your parents or make demands but to broach the subject in a way that helps you reach a mutual agreement on what needs to happen moving forward. You can start by expressing your observations about their daily activities and how they are managing, and then ask them how they feel, what will work best for them, or what they envision their next steps being. This approach can help you all come to an agreement on what path to take next.

Assess Needs
If your parents need additional help, then you need to know exactly what these needs are and what you can do to help. It might be that they need mobility aids around the house. They might find ready-made meals being delivered easier, a weekly cleaner can be beneficial, and in-home care options could be preferable for them. Look at where they're struggling, be it cleaning and chores, hygiene, cooking, moving around, etc., and then identify solutions that can help them remain independent without struggling.    

Your Abilities
As much as you might want to, or not as the case might be, not everyone can dedicate their entire lives to caring for their parents. This isn't something to be ashamed of, but you do need to be realistic about the type of help and support you can offer. If you live across the country, you wouldn't be as actively involved in person on a daily basis as a person who lives a 10-minute drive from their parents would be. It's important to remember to take care of yourself and not neglect your own needs while caring for your parents.

Being honest about the time you can dedicate to caregiving is crucial. It helps set realistic expectations for everyone involved, ensuring that you are prepared and in control of the situation. Whether it's daily calls at the same time each day, weekly visits, or actively participating in and delivering care and support each day, having a clear understanding of what you can realistically manage is empowering. If you decide to take a more hands-on approach with caregiving for your parents, then it is worth seeing if you qualify for the Medicade Home Help Program so you can get paid for what you are doing anyway. 

Create a Plan
So everyone knows what to expect and when, you need to create an action plan for things moving forward, such as checking for care services, organizing a cleaner, hiring a contractor to make accessible changes to the property, or even selling up and moving into assisted living communities or care homes if possible, and what that timeline looks like.

Setting clear goals for what you want and what needs to happen is a powerful tool in your caregiving journey. It keeps you focused and determined, ensuring that you are working towards the most appropriate outcome for everyone involved. Discuss ongoing support, routines, and costs, and ensure you stick to this plan. 

Communicate
Communication is vital when navigating this time with your parents. You cannot expect people to know what needs to be done, what you want to do, or what your parents expect if you are not communicating with anyone.

It's important to keep communication channels open between all involved parties, whether it's you and your parents or other family members helping you out. Discussing and sharing responsibilities can help lighten the load and ensure everyone is on the same page. You also need to communicate with medical providers and other agencies that might be involved moving forward, such as insurance companies and legal advisors. Effective communication will help you organize things faster and more efficiently, so everyone knows exactly what is happening.

Find Resources to Help
Contacting your local state for available resources or helping find charities or other organizations can be a good place to start. Reaching out to the Eldercare Locator, the NIA, or the Administration on Aging can all be valuable resources. They can help you out with a whole host of issues you might have. Different organizations can help you find providers or offer options for you to use or consider, discounts from providers and services for adaptations for your home potentially, and much more. These resources can be invaluable when determining your path forward from this point and can relieve the burden somewhat, too. 

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